R1P2 - Day 1 & 2

Loading days – gag! I ate so much fat I swore it was going to start coming out my pores. By the end of loading day #2, I was so ready to stop eating.

My starting weight was 229.8 on the end of the second loading day. We were on vacation the two days prior, so I don’t know how much weight I gained in the loading days! My BMI was exactly 37.

So these are my starting pictures that Marmot sweetly agreed to take. Its funny to see how nauseated I look in these pictures.

A New Beginning...

I started this journey in January and stopped writing in May, only a few pounds less than where I had started...

What's changed since then? Not much in terms of my weight, I'm still at about 230lbs and unhappy with my weight.

But I have a new plan....

It started with a training session at work, with a trainer sent by the company. She and I hit it off, and were chatting between sessions. We got to talking about dieting, she said she was dieting- and had lost 35lbs in six weeks. Whooa- what?? She told me about the Hcg diet, with injections and a 500 calorie a day diet. I was, of course, skeptical. Anyone can lose 35lbs in six weeks on only 500 calories a day. I’ve done it! She told me yes, but the difference was that she wasn’t hungry. Now you diet veterans know that at 500 calories a day, you’d eat wallpaper if it was grilled and had a little salt. She also told me that you don’t end up with the saggy skin- something that always grossed me out with the Biggest Loser contestants- they look like empty balloons. She urged me to do some internet research, and so I did. And it wasn’t so much what I read as what I saw that made me sit up and pay attention. The before/after pictures were stunning. Like wow.

I was excited, but the idea of buying drugs from overseas was unsettling. And it takes so long! So I decided to give the homeopathic Hcg drops a try. I’ve used homeopathic remedies in the past, and they defy medical explanation- but then again, so does Hcg! I bought the drops, a giant box of grissini imported from Italy, a food scale, and today I begin.

I’m taking weekly pictures (or trying to at least) and chronicling how things go. When I was looking at the concept of Hcg dieting, the personal journeys of people like me were the most comforting, and seeing their progress was encouraging. I hope that this blog can maybe do the same for someone else who is searching, as well as a continued source of accountability for me...

And off we go!

To Talk (or Not to Talk)

Ok, I'm embarrassed. I haven't blogged in 12 days. And I was probably apologizing for how long its been since I'd blogged in that post too.

My excuse is that I've been working on a non-weight loss blog. A family blog actually, for my husband and I. My SIL and her husband have one that I've enjoyed reading over the years, especially now with baby-belly pictures being posted (*sigh*) and since our extended families are spread across the country, we decided it was time for us to have our own blog. But it won't say a thing about weight loss.

This is something I've been reading about and thinking about the last few weeks. Spark People suggests talking about your weight loss, because you can get support (sometimes from unlikely places) and verbalizing things can help make them 'real'. And also the aspect of not wanting to let people down, once they know that you're trying to attain a healthy lifestyle its harder to eat half the pan of office brownies in their vicinity.

But then there is the otherside which suggests not telling anyone. That sometimes the support is less than stellar. And oftentimes the eating well becomes more of a production, and that level of 'stage-fright' can lead to sneaky-eating and binges. I tend to fall into this category. For me it also encompasses some level of denial about the fact that I let my weight get out of control- if I don't acknowledge it, and no one else acknowledges it, its not for real right? Talk about the elephant in the room. lol

However I do have a few select people that know about this- my Biggest Loser comrades, my friend Judy, and my Mom and sisters (who also deal with their weight issues). Support is a good thing.

I'd love to hear from you all- do you talk about your weight loss? Why or why not?

Observations of Purposeful Eating

So our trip was an opportunity for me to get to know my mother-in-law (I've only actually met her in person five times!) and also, incidentally, to observe her eating habits.

A lifelong skinny person, my MIL has what I have called Purposeful Eating habits.

*She takes small bites, and chews everything before another bite. No shoveling.
*She's very picky about what she actually takes a bite of, such as breaking off a piece of orange that seemed tough.
*She budgets her food, light breakfast knowing we'd be eating out for lunch.

It was interesting to watch. It got even more interesting with the book I got in the airport bookstore, called I Can Make You Thin. I don't so much go for the hypnosis side of things, but the four rules of eating really were good when I practiced all four of them at an airport restaurant.

1) Eat Only When You're Hungry
Its a duh thing, but how often do I eat something because its lunch time, or worse, because its there?

2) Eat What You Want, Not What You Think You Should
It talks about how your body will crave what you need. I believe it, because I crave vegetables and amazingly enough will realize I haven't had many lately. It also mentioned a study (I haven't found it yet) about toddlers who were given 24-hour access to a whole range of foods, from spinach to ice cream. Being allowed to eat whatever they want, whenever they want, they actually ate a completely balanced diet in a 30-day period. Your body really actually is that smart!

3) Enjoy Every Mouthful
I'm the queen of multi-tasking while eating. Computer, tv, work, phone, everything. I sat in the airport to eat my dinner and didn't do anything else. I'm realizing how much better food tastes when I slow down to enjoy it.

4) Stop When You Are Full
It was amazing, I was full (and stayed full) with a fraction of the food that I would have thought I'd eat.

I'm not a convert to his method, but the food guides were good reminders of things I already knew, and needed refreshed. These are definitely habits that my MIL employs! The jury is still out on the hypnosis and the tapping, but I'll let you know the results if I decide to give them a try! ;-)

Hope you all are having a fabulous week!

Vacation!

Marmot and I went to Roanoke Virginia and spent a few days with my in-laws. Its gorgeous out there, the mountains are amazing. We slept late, went sightseeing, and just generally relaxed.

Marmot and I on Mill Mountain


Lee's Chapel in Lexington, Virginia


The Natural Bridge of Virginia

Momentum

So my calories this week have been in the 1800-2000 range (slightly over yesterday with Mom's homemade macaroni and cheese, but it was worth it!) and I'm a happy girl. I can feel this becoming normal, like I know I could eat like this forever. Its a good feeling, I feel like I have some momentum!

The best part is that I feel SO much better having more to eat, like I can actually FEEL my body working better. I'm wide awake in the morning, no coffee needed, and I haven't been cranky. Its amazing! I haven't jumped back into the exercise yet, its been a little busier at work this week since I'm gone all next week, and coming back in time for a big presentation next Friday. But all next week we're on vacation, and I'm planning on long walks with my husband and in-laws.

And I'm totally over the baby name thing with my SIL...I have names that are NOT on her list, like Isla and Juliet (although my husband thinks they're both bizarre- lol) And Carlos- I love the name Bella! I actually used to like the name Lucy too, but it has a weird vibe to it now....lol

We're starting to get ready for our trip to Virginia- and by starting to get ready, I mean I think I know where the suitcases are, and I still have no clean laundry. Hmm.

Hope you all are having a fabulous week- we can do this, one change at a time!

Breaking News!!

I think I know why I haven't been losing weight!!!!!!

Breefawn on Spark People (love love love that site) had something about Basal Metabolic Rate on her SparkPage, so I calculated mine. My body uses 1810 calories a day for breathing, pumping blood, metabolizing food, just existing! I had set my calories at 1500-1700 (based on a calculator I did in January-ish). Which means I wasn't even eating enough calories for my body to exist, let alone adding in all the amazing exercise I've been doing! Bree suggested eating at least my BMR in calories, and if I'm still hungry to eat no more than half of what I did in exercise.

And it gets better:

MrsPrincess07 (also on SP) said here's a calculator to figure out what you should be eating everyday based on your weight, height, age and body fat. To lose weight, it said I should be eating between 2081-2212 or 2007-2133 calories a day based on light activity 1-3 days a week. OMG!

http://www.freedomfly.net/Documents/calorie_calculator.xls

SO. I'm re-adjusting my calories to I think 1800-2000 a day. And I'm going to keep doing the exercise, because I love it! And I am SOOOOO excited!!

Venting

Every once in awhile, you just need to let it all out. Despite the NSV's, I'm in a slump and not happy about life. My Mom says sometimes you just have to erupt and get it out of your system. Well, here it is.

*I have been ramping up the physical activity and cutting the calories (1500-1700) and have only been over 1700 twice this week, and one of them wasn't even over 1800. I've emphasized fruits and veggies (no less than 4 servings a day, but 8 almost half the week). And after all that I have not lost a single damn pound. I wasn't expecting a 20lb weight-loss from the week and a half of effort, but seriously, not even half a pound??

*My Biggest Loser buddies are doing extremely well, and I'm barely keeping it under my starting weight.

*I'm actually flipping out over my sister-in-law who is (not only naturally skinny) but adorably pregnant, and has taken what I've irrationally considered MY baby girl names of Charlotte and Ella.

*We're leaving in less than a week to spend 6 days with my in-laws. I hate traveling, and my MIL makes me nervous.

*My house is a disaster, and I'm so behind on laundry that I'm almost out of clean underwear.

And really that about covers it. I've been cranky all weekend, and I have a Biggest Loser weigh-in three hours from now. Dammit.

Shameless Bragging (You've Been Warned!)

So I think I've had an epiphany. I think I actually enjoy physical activity. Its amazing to me. I used to say exercise was bad for my health, because my thighs would rub together and set my shorts on fire. But I've done some serious physical activity, and a fire extinguisher was not needed a single time.

Please allow me a moment to brag, because I am so dang proud of myself.

On Saturday my dear Biggest Loser friend Stacey and I decided to go for a bike ride on Douglas Trail, which starts near Stacey's house. It wasn't bad and I was even able to walk the next day. Imagine my surprise when we calculated that we did 12 miles, plus a killer hill!

Next day I did 20 minutes on the treadmill to work out the kinks in my legs, and ran for three minutes of it, which amazes me because its been SO long since I've ran.

Yesterday I was inspired by the Best of Spark People email about your pet being a good exercise partner, so Max (picture below) and I went out for a walk. Now he's not used to being an exercise partner so I was alternating between dragging him and being dragged, but we did a serious four mile walk. And I will never ever trust my weather-obsessed husband for the forecast, because he said oh it will be nice honey! Nice translated into getting drenched and hailed on two miles from home. But we slogged through, and made it home soaking wet and covered in mud. But Max slept like a log last night!


Today was a 3.5 mile bike ride with my husband to Great Harvest for fresh bread, and a stop at the Good Food store for the fake egg salad (tofu) to go on it! It was fun to do that with Marmot, I think we're going to make that a tradition. The biggest high of the entire time was my husband being winded and I wasn't. He's always been in good shape, but the desk job is catching up with him. I was so proud of myself!

The weirdest thing is that after all this, I'm looking forward to doing more. I'm psyched about doing the four mile walk with Max again tomorrow, he has a new Gentle Leader collar and I think he could be the perfect exercise buddy!

So yeah, I apologize for the bragging but this has been an amazing week. I have not dropped a pound, but I'm still psyched!

*Sigh*

I'm proud of myself for what I've done so far. But I'm also feeling like I'm doing an uphill battle with the comparison game. I'm intensely competitive, as my husband and family can attest to. So when I'm losing weight (which has the added clout of being extremely personal!) its sometimes a good thing that I'm competitive because it spurs me on! But it also pulls me down when I'm constantly comparing my progress to somebody elses.

The scale has not budged in a week. Seriously. I'm doing the right stuff in terms of getting my physical activity in and monitoring what goes in my mouth, but I feel like I just haven't found the right combination. I'm going to be adding more physical activity starting this weekend, so we'll see what happens.

I'm still plodding along, and I'm still proud of myself. I'm just feeling a little frustrated.

Rewards

Its in ALL the do-not-do-this lists. You should never ever reward yourself with food. But after depriving yourself of food, it feels like the most natural thing right?

So I walked into the breakroom at work to heat up my cup of soup yesterday. I'd just gotten done with an incredibly stressful meeting and got some pretty big marching orders for what I need accomplished in a week. I was stressed, but confident that I can do it. I did well at the meeting. And I saw some food and thought, I deserve that.

Pause with me for a second while we answer a question- who deserves food? Starving people, the kids from the cable ads. Absolutely, they deserve food. People who have lost their jobs and need to feed their family. My dog Max deserves his kibble for guarding the house. Do I deserve food? I weigh 227lbs, I think its fairly obvious that I've consumed my fair share and someone else deserves it more.

Back to the breakroom- I'm waiting for the soup to heat up. And I look at what I was going to reward myself with. And it got me thinking again.

What do I deserve if I'm going to reward myself? Its going to be good. It may not be food either, but if I reward myself its going to be a damn reward. So that led me to: what did I do to deserve three-day old bagels? (Yes, I was actually contemplating 'rewarding' myself with three-day old bagels.)

Then I laughed outloud at myself. Really, what DO you do to deserve half a dried out bagel as a 'reward'. Kick a kitten?

Sometimes my thought processes make me shake my head. But I resisted the bagels, and I'm resisting the Special K bars today! I want a reward, and its going to be seeing my goal weight on the scale. Food is not something I deserve, or something that is a true reward because it only takes me back a step. I want the true reward.

Hope you all are having a fabulous week!

The Burn

Ok, so you are probably well acquainted by now with the fact that I'm a wimp. Its very true, and I will heartily admit it. I am not someone that 'thrives in a challenge' especially the physical type. I am the person who stops 30 minutes into a 40 minute workout DVD and says 'Oh I'm done now, it was starting to burn so thats good enough for me'

I did Jillian Michael's Cardio Kickboxing DVD today, 25 minutes of no-stopping-not-even-for-water and my-lungs-are-on-FIRE move after move. I seriously thought I was going to die. But then when I realized that I didn't die (!) I followed up with 30 minutes of Supercharged Sculpting. But I was looking at Jillian's body thinking yep, someday- and then suddenly had the thought, I'll bet she didn't get the body by not pushing herself.

Ulghhhh. I hate self-reflection. But reality is, I'm not going to get where I want without the burn. Or without feeling winded and sweaty. Or without having my undies ride up my ass in the midst of the tall box climb. Its just going to happen. I won't say I'm ok with that, because its a paradigm shift to think of this kind of physical activity being a daily thing. I'm not ok with it yet, but I'm learning to be ok with that.

Holy Smokes!

Its been forever since I've posted! Its been a blur of a few weeks, I've been getting up early and then going to bed early, but its been GREAT. I've also been on SparkPeople alot, they have a nice blog feature too that I've ignored until today, so maybe I'll kill two birds with one stone and put my blog entries into both places!

Ok, so today I was lucky enough to have this morning off, I didn't go into work until noon. I disregarded best intentions and slept until 9 (!) and then got out of bed to move to the couch to watch TV (I don't know why I'm fat, really).

I've been doing the Couch to 5k program, and today's workout was 10 minutes of walking, 4 of jogging, and 6 minutes of walking again. I started out, and was inspired by the sounds of my feet hitting the treadmill (wow, I sound like REAL runners at the gym!) but the shin burning feeling kind of intruded on that.

About a minute in, I was thinking wow, this suuuuuucks.

And then I started with the thoughts of maybe I'll stop at two minutes, I'm way out of shape for this.

I made myself banish the thought, but it came back at three minutes!

But I did it anyway, and told myself that I will NEVER get anywhere if I don't push myself! You don't gain muscle strength by only doing the exercises that are FUN, and feel good. Its going to burn, I need to start recognizing the BURN as the GOOD feeling!

SO yeah, I did my four minutes of jogging and I had a BIG grin on my face during my cool down walk. I totally rocked that four minutes, and I'm going to do it again tomorrow!

Amazing

I have to say- I never ever ever in my life thought I'd say this- but getting up early has been by far the best weight-related thing I've ever done for myself.

All last week I was up by 5am, doing 45-minutes to an hour of either treadmill or a workout DVD. My husband gets up at 6am and we have our usual morning routine getting ready for work. But I noticed some big differences. I didn't need coffee at work, because I'd had enough time to 'wake up' on my own. I felt SO good all day, major energy all day. And I've been completely psyched to have the entire evening to myself, without the chore of working out ahead of me. Yes, I'm tired earlier in the evening- I'll be honest, the first few days I was asleep by 8:30! But that's leveled out to about 9ish, and I feel amazing. And bonus, my husband says I'm not so crabby in the morning! lol

I'm totally messing that schedule up by two half-night shifts (7p-3a) to cover some funeral leave, but I'll be back to the early morning action on Thursday. I have a cold again (why??) but I'm hitting the Zicam and Theraflu and easing up on the workouts. Food choices this week haven't taken a decidedly vegetarian turn, which I'm really enjoying. Marmot hasn't minded so far!

Hope you all are having a fabulous week!

Fitness Fanatic

I did it! The alarm went off at four-thirty, and I crawled out of bed at five and did 45 minutes on the treadmill. I think I can honestly say that it was the first time I've ever voluntarily gotten out of bed early to exercise. :-D

Below is something I came across that just made me laugh- enjoy!